Monthly Archives: June 2009

Steve: Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist
SUCKS

Joe: Saw it.
Oh yeah, it’s terrible.

Steve: SO HARD.

Joe: Soundtrack is okay.

Steve: The soundtrack might have been okay if there was no movie with it.

Joe: True.

Steve: But instead it was just obnoxious and out of place.
Every scene had some totally innappropriate song droning in the background.

Joe: I like the soundtrack, don’t badmouth the soundtrack just because everything else sucked.
Director, story, etc.

Steve: I have no way of critiquing the soundtrack on its own. All I know is it was one of 10,000 things that were wrong with the movie.
Like the fact that being homosexual makes you all-knowing.
Or the belief that watching a girl who’s drunk off her ass stumble drunkenly around can continue being funny for longer than one scene.
Or the depiction of high school students staying up all night driving from club to club looking for bands in the middle of New York City.

Joe: Dude, the bathrooms at port authority could be boiled in bleach for two weeks and I wouldn’t sit on one to take a shit if I were shitting my pants.
To eat gum out of a dirty one made everything so freaking horrible.

Steve: I had to leave the room during that scene.
I seriously just got up and left.

Joe: Dude, it just sucked overall. They were banking on the film being just like Juno because they had an indie sound track and Michael Cera who only has funny moments when paired with a very energetic actor.

Steve: Yeah, but they were completely incapable of pairing their scenes with appropriate songs.
Indie soundtracks only help you if they’re appropriate.

Joe: I agree.

Steve: Oh and if your movie doesn’t suck ass.

Joe: It was just a terrible film.

Steve: There were basically two jokes in the film that were repeated ad naseum:
1. Total strangers behaving as if they’re all friends.
2. Drunk chick is drunk.
That’s it.
Over and over and over.

Joe: Everything about the film was bad, including “teenagers who like the same music have orgasms together!”

Steve: Oh man.
And don’t get me started on their evil exes.
I mean, wtf?
How fucking cookie-cutter can a character get?

Joe: Or “picking up random gay dudes is totally cool because we ignore the 80′s, AIDS, the 90′s, more AIDS and AIDS.

Steve: Oh dude.
Gay guys all travel around with a box full of bras in their van and they instantly know when a girl they’ve never seen or heard of before would be perfect for their straight friend.
Because they’re gay and that makes them relationship experts.
And then, to top it all off, after spending the entire movie looking for some super indie band, they finally get all their distractions and obstacles worked out, and they just walk the hell out right when the band goes on.
What the hell is that?
That makes so much no sense that they ran out of no sense at the general store.

Joe: Drunk rich kids with gay friends are cool cuz they’re Jewish.
That’s my new title for Nick and Norah’s…

Steve: The walking out of the show thing would have made sense if the movie had been about Nick and Norah learning to put relationships before music or popularity.
But given that they’d both demonstrated repeatedly throughout the film that they already cared more about people than music, it was just them walking out for no reason.
It would be like Harold and Kumar finally getting to White Castle and then just going the fuck home.

Joe: Yeah, they were shooting for quirky and it came out all runny like diarrhea.

Steve: I knew it would be terrible, too. I could have stopped it. She gave me every opportunity to say “No, let’s watch something else.”
But I thought, “Even though this movie looked terrible in the ads, and it completely disappeared from the radar the instant it was released… maybe, just MAYBE Michael Cera can save it.”
Nope.

Joe: Yeah, the wife and I were both duped.
Very sad.
I honestly don’t even think it had potential, because you’d have to remove the gay kids completely for it to be a decent story.

Steve: Even Sarah had to admit it wasn’t very good. And trust me, based on the coversation we had beforehand, she did NOT want to admit that.

Joe: I had hope up until the chick ate her puke gum.

Steve: You might not have to remove the gay guys, but you’d have to completely overhaul every character besides Nick and Norah.
And by overhaul, I mean everything but their names would have to go.
And possibly their names too, for good measure.

Joe: Mmmm… Norah had huge issues too.

Steve: She could have been okay if the plot had been restructured.
But now we’re so hypothetical that we’re not even talking about the same movie.
It sucked balls and that’s all there is to it.

Joe: That’s what I’m saying. There really isn’t any redemption except for us getting those two hours back.

Steve: Yeah.
And the worst part was, the movie was so slow and boring and so full of “waiting for something to happen” shots, (there were points when Sarah and I were literally yelling at the screen for something to happen) that by the time it was over, I felt like I had stayed up all night.
I was fucking exhausted from waiting for this movie to get good.

Joe: Yeah, very bad.

Steve: All right, this is going on the blog right now so the whole world can know of my rage.

Joe: Wait, how about my rage….there weren’t even any teenage boobies to statisfy the sinners!

Steve: No kidding.

Joe: That’s why you make movies about seniors in high school, for random booby shots dammit!

Steve: I know! And that’s why you cast people in their late twenties and early thirties to play the high school seniors!

Joe: I think it’s ridiculous, but how do you not show one boob to satisfy the 10,000 guys renting the film so that they can see a boob?

Steve: I don’t know man. How do you do anything they did in that movie? It should be burned.