Steve: So.
Joe: Earthquake.
That’s what.
Steve: That’s what Sarah just said.
Didn’t feel it here.
Joe: I’m on the 19th floor
I felt it.
Steve: Anyway.
Joe: What’s up?
Steve: Barbecue time has come and gone again.
Which means I have to ask you a question.
Joe: Yes, I shit a burger.
Steve: No, not that question.
The question is, Joe…
How many Sierra Mists do you want when you come over on Saturday?
Joe: mother fucker
Steve: Mother.
Fucker.
Joe: I hate that shit man.
Steve: It’s a whole unopened 12-pack.
Again.
It’s like someone read our blog and brought it just to spite us.
So far nobody has owned up to it.
Joe: Dude, who brings that crap?
Steve: I actually suspect it brought itself.
I’m sure I’d know if any of my friends were… that way.
Plus, Sierra Mist is a sonovabitch.
Bringing itself to my BBQ is exactly the kind of thing it would do.
Joe: Sierra Mist just caused an earthquake.
Steve: Earlier today, Sierra Mist caused an accident on the Metro Blue Line and made 4000 people late for work.
Joe: Sierra Mist makes collect phone calls to 7-Up and never pays him back.
Steve: Sierra Mist prevented Jean-Claude Van Damme, Steven Seagal, Jackie Chan, Wesley Snipes, Dwayne Johnson and Vin Diesel from joining the cast of the Expendables.
And he cast the A-Team movie without Mr. T.
Joe: Sierra Mist optioned the rights to Airbender, only to hire a down on his luck director and a white kid to ruin it.
Steve: Sierra Mist heard some people think of Hitler as the literal antichrist and started punching llama after llama until he gradually surpassed Hitler’s evil. Just for spite.
Joe: Sierra Mist voted for the Green Party in the last six presidential elections.
Steve: Sierra Mist framed Carmen San Diego.
Joe: Sierra Mist baked three dozen cookies for Mrs. Schneider’s elementary school class and put his own pubic hairs into the batter.
Steve: Sierra Mist directed Pirates of the Caribbean 3 while Gore Verbinski was tied up in his basement.
Joe: Sierra Mist took my mother Dorothy Mantooth out for a nice seafood dinner and never called her again.
Steve: Sierra Mist had $30,000 to invest in my movie Gray, but he spent it all on Vienna sausages and Cabbge Patch Kid dolls, which he rolled into banana leaves and smoked.
Joe: Sierra Mist is on the sex offender list.
Steve: Twice.
Sierra Mist is wanted for drug smuggling in 134 countries.
It used to be 138, but he toppled a few foreign governments.
Joe: Sierra Mist built the Iron Curtain, melted it down to make scrap and then built a statue of the founder of the KKK outside Nashville.
Steve: Sierra Mist doesn’t care about black people.
Joe: Sierra Mist beat up a homeless person, blamed it on the police and then raped a bunny rabbit.
Steve: That bunny rabbit went on to get elected to Congress, where he betrayed every principal of the Democratic party, then blew his brains out on national television.
Joe: Sierra Mist is both pro and anti Prop 8.
Steve: Sierra Mist won’t help me straighten up my office, no matter how many times I ask him.
Joe: Sierra Mist invented cold sores.
Steve: Sierra Mist got David Lee Roth kicked out of Van Halen.
Joe: Sierra Mist keeps propogating the idea that KISS is a good band and that people want more reality shows based on people made famous by other reality shows.
Steve: Sierra Mist is the chief of programming for NBC.
Joe: Sierra Mist is a douche bag.
Steve: I hate Sierra Mist.
It’s like 7-Up took a whiz into some Mountain Dew, then someone spilled the Mountain Dew and had to refill it with seltzer water and poison.
Joe: We have 7-Up, Sprite and vomit, why on earth do we need Sierra Mist?
Steve: I seriously think it’s a test to see how long they can sell a competing product called “Sierra Mist” before “Mountain Dew” figures how to sue the living shit out of them.
Joe: Well, at least we got another blog post out of it.
Steve: Word.
I promise I didn’t buy it. In my opinion, the only thing Sierra Mist is good for is that it was keeping me from throwing up the entire time I was pregnant… all three times.
…Is there something you’d like to tell us, Steve?