This conversation relates to our new project, DeathByMovies.com
Steve: So Joe.
I think we should have a goal.
And that goal should be Godzilla.
We should spend the year building up our tolerances.
And then close out with a two-weekend Godzilla marathon.
There are 22 of those.
We could 11 each weekend.
And then collapse and die.
Joe: I hate you and I totally agree.
Steve: How much do you agree?
Joe: What do you mean?
Steve: Enough that we can announce that as our goal now?
Steve: Alright. We’re both in then.
So much Godzilla.
Joe: You know what the worst part of that 2 weekend nightmare will be?
Steve: The American one.
Or do you mean the Monday in between?
Joe: No, the American one.
I have watched a total of 5 minutes of that twice in my life and regretted it ever since.
Steve: Yeah that’s the one where Godzilla doesn’t even breathe fire.
I saw it in the theater.
I was young enough to assume they couldn’t possibly screw up Godzilla.
He’s a giant fire-breathing lizard who can’t be killed.
Only in the movie he not only didn’t breathe fire and was easily killed.
He also turned out to be asexual and laid a bunch of eggs so that they could rip off the Jurassic Park raptor scene with a bunch of baby Godzillas.
In other words, they literally cut the dick off the most famous monster in movie history.
On the flip side, you know what the best part of those two weekends will be?
Steve: Godzilla vs. King Kong.
Steve: Greatest thing since Superman vs. Batman
Joe: Did you ever take sides in that fight? I always hated King Kong for even thinking he could get into the ring with Godzilla.
Giant fire breathing dragon with armor plating created from toxic waste vs. giant gorilla.
Didn’t seem like a fair fight on any front.
I mean, monkeys beat reptiles every time.
But like you said, Godzilla breathes fire, which is something real reptiles don’t do.
Plus, in the original movies King Kong was 50 feet tall while Godzilla was 400.
So again, Godzilla
But I’ve actually seen that film.
And the explanation was that in the intervening years, Kong had simply continued eating the giant-growth berries that embiggened him in the first place.
So now he was Godzilla-sized.
Plus, apparently electricity makes Kong stronger but hurts Godzilla.
So the lightning storm helped him out.
Kong won in the American release, but my understanding is Godzilla won in the Japanese release.
Joe: Yes, that was the case.
Editor’s Note: No, it wasn’t. Turns out Kong won in both versions.
Steve: I say Kong I guess.
Breathing fire is nice, but nothing beats raw brute strength.
Joe: Except breathing fucking fire.
I was super emotional about it as a kid.
Steve: Gorillas are fucking strong dude
Joe: Fire is hot, nuclear fire is crazy hot.
Steve: I loved them both.
Yeah but Kong can take it.
From his perspective, it’d only be a little bit of fire.
It just singed his fur.
Steve:I also have bad news.
The Godzilla franchise is even bigger than I thought.
29 films total with a 30th in preproduction.
Possibly to be released next December.
Joe: I hate you.
Well, that’s like three Saturdays.
Just posted about it.
Joe: Not sure that’s possible, especially in December.
Steve: I think we’ll be able to do it in two.
30 hours each.
Say we start at 9am Saturday, we’d be done by 3pm Sunday.
Then sleep until it’s time to go to work.
Hopefully we’ll gain the experience we need to pull it off between now and then.